From Silicon Valley to Soul Valley: A Suburban Mom’s Quest for Unconditional Creativity

Breaking free from culture

Imagine creating something not because you have to, or because you're expecting something back, but simply because you want to. This is the essence of unconditional creation. It’s like unconditional love - there's no "because" or "so that" attached. It comes from a deep, boundless place within us.

Yes, it might sound a bit out there, a little mystical even. But it’s actually quite straightforward. At its core, unconditional creation is driven by an inner spark.

Yet, this drive isn't just a gentle nudge; it's a powerful force, one that can even make us ill if we try to ignore it. (Or it does me anyhow). Turning away from this urge to create unconditionally can be as damaging to the spirit as neglecting any other vital part of our being. This concept was something I grasped in theory, but never fully embraced in my own work.

Until now.

A few years ago, I might not have fully grasped this concept. That's because the driving forces in my life were mostly coming from outside myself.

Money, prestige, competition—these were my guiding stars. That's the script when you're raised in Silicon Valley, and the cycle repeats with your kids.

Around here, there's a blueprint for success that everyone seems to follow: a life that balances intense work with just the right amount of leisure, an Hybrid or electric SUV in the driveway, a calendar packed with kids' activities, all fueled by a relentless push to create, innovate, and come out on top. And don't forget the perfect highlights, the Lululemon gear, cute holiday card, and a constant smile plastered on your face.

Admitting I'm an artist feels like wearing a shoe that doesn't fit. The truth is, I've always had a bit of a chip on my shoulder about artists. 

In my head, they seem to orbit around their own worlds, lost in self-reflection, disconnected from the concrete reality the rest of us live in. That perspective clashes violently with the universe I come from—a world obsessed with prestige, productivity, and perpetual motion, looking good, and pleasing others. 

I've spent my life trying to squeeze into a perfectly tailored suit of societal expectations: maintaining an impeccable image, managing a household with two kids, the quintessential white picket fence (only mine might be metaphorical), two nice cars, and a spot in a top-notch public school system.

Yet, there's a parallel here with the public school facade (and hey, I'm a supporter of public education, so no misinterpretations here)—eventually, the cracks start to show.

There's something about hitting midlife, a sort of wisdom that comes with the years, that makes you start seeing the matrix you’ve been living in. It’s like waking up one morning and realizing you’ve been walking around in a dream.

For me, this awakening comes with a nagging question: Have I been feeling unwell all this time because I’ve been caged by culture? Have the bars of societal expectations been what's truly ailing me?

Naturally, it’s never as black and white as it seems. Life is layered with complexities and unique hurdles. So, it’s not about harboring regrets for the path I’ve walked. It’s more about having my eyes wide open now, seeing the world and my place in it with a newfound clarity.

I’m not looking back with sorrow; I’m moving forward with awareness.

Beneath the surface, I've been subtly navigating around the rigid framework of societal expectations, creating works that align with mainstream norms. My ventures, like writing Becoming Britney and delving into the world of the Real Housewives, are a testament to this, being deeply rooted in pop culture.

Despite the mainstream appeal of these projects, I've always aimed to infuse a distinct creative essence into my work. This essence is the narrative of women uncovering their strength, their voice, and their unique spark in a world that often tries to overshadow it.

However, I've come to a sobering realization: In my efforts to conform, I've compromised the integrity of my work. I've masked my true artist self behind the guise of a culturally sanctioned suburban mom of two who seems to have it all together.

This acknowledgment brings to light a recurring theme in my creations: the journey of women who have spent their entire lives conforming to a culture that stifles their authentic selves.

Recognizing that culture has hijacked your life requires waking from a deeply ingrained daydream—a daunting challenge, as it means watching the narrative you've lived by disintegrate.

That journey of self-discovery often comes at a high price. It might mean losing friends, enduring loneliness, or facing financial instability—the obstacles pile up as you delve deeper into your own path. This daunting journey is precisely why many shy away from it.

Yet, I find myself in a tug-of-war, struggling to liberate the artist within me who yearns to create work that resonates on a deeper level.

I'm entangled in the web of cultural expectations, not entirely ready to relinquish the comforts they bring.

So, for now, I won't claim to have all the answers or to have made that leap.

The process of awakening, it seems, is just the beginning. The real challenge lies in unlocking the chains we've wrapped around ourselves, one link at a time.

And as daunting as the journey ahead may be, the promise of true creative freedom—the kind that comes from within—is the light guiding me forward.