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Wires crossed and the panic sets in

Wires crossed and the panic sets in

As of Friday night I am off any "brain" medication. 

I've weaned off of it over a month.

I'll just say eek, it's not starting off great. This is a test to see how my brain does. Does it go back to manic thinking, crossing wires, with little to zero focus? 

Yes I think it does.

Let me tell you a little about what it feels like.

Imagine having a conversation with someone and then having a third person change the subject about every 30 seconds.

Now imagine a fourth person coming into the conversation and every minute or so saying "this is totally normal, you're just making it up, keep working."

It's like that.

I spend a lot of my time thinking that the various doctors are wrong. That psychiatry is wrong. That because you can't measure a persons brain waves, I'm making this all up. 

I'm in a conundrum because a fairly large part of me feels like this past year was a complete fluke. That it was all hormonal and sort of one bad dream. That's what some people in my life think. 

I'll be honest, to be quite frank I'm a little worried I'm never going to be able to work on my own again. Hopefully I'm just being dramatic.

I thought long and hard about this blog post. What should I write about? What should I research? Then a little light went on in my head. Hmm...I'm not on any medication. 

Have I really lost my focus that quickly? Is it psychosomatic?

Followed by...

Shit.

So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take the pressure off myself. I'm going to do a midday meditation, have some tea and take some frickin' pressure off. 

That is all. 

 

 

 

The state of flow and the S-town song

The state of flow and the S-town song

Perfect posture for an aligned life

Perfect posture for an aligned life