Why I told people on FB I am Bipolar 2
It feels somewhat ridiculous to "come out" on Facebook with someone who has bipolar 2.
Mostly because I hear people say, "I'm not even sure why I go on there. I don't even care about it" Um, yeah right. Then why are you on there?
Or, "Oh I just check it once in a while, I use it mostly for business." But in deeper conversations I hear, "It makes me feel bad about myself, I wonder why others have so much more, they have better houses."
We can also use it as a way to get back at each other. See what I did? Take that bitches! Perhaps trying to cry out that you're upset with someone, that you've been wronged.. Facebook has changed our lives. We constantly compare ourselves to each other. Our democracy was hacked in this last election and continues to be so. I literally listened to this James Altucher episode last week with UK Psychologist Dr. Linda Papadopoulous.
Because I love to read and listen to books and podcasts and because my husband is trying to break his online habits I bought her book Unfollow.: subtitle, Living life on your own terms. Can't wait to read it myself. I've noticed as I was on medication for Bipolar 2 I have not been on it as much. Most of why my psychiatrist was able to diagnosis me with this disorder was because I sent my therapist and psychiatrist all my writings, businesses, text messages and more lashing out from the past year.
I need to live my life on my own terms.
I have difficulty saying no to my family, to friends, to clients and most of all to myself. This will be the most difficult thing for me to do as I embark on a quieter journey for a bit of time. Perhaps it's six months, a year, five years. The point is I have no idea. That's the hardest part for me. Here is the Facebook post which I posted on New Year's Eve, a traditional time for turning over new ideas, new goals, new ways of thinking. It seemed right. It was received well of course, real human emotion usually is. But it was scary. Here it is below.
My obligatory and somewhat brave post tonight and my (hopefully) new life in 2018. I know it's dramatic but that's who I am.
I know we all have our our lives and on FB, watch others lives and wonder. Are they happy? Do they make more money? Are they more perfect? Should I have that type of job? Should I be a stay at home mom? Dad?
I gather so much inspiration from many of you, some of you I actually see in real life and have spent this year lifting me up. After a year of mania and losing over 19 pounds, my long posts on FB, losing my mind over politics and so much more, I finally have a diagnosis that runs alongside my Common Variable Immune Deficiency, which many of you know I have due to seeing me receive weekly treatments. But a month ago, a new diagnosis that brought clarity to most of my adult life: Bipolar Disorder 2. My early 40’s has launched me into the throes of it and I am starting down another path and they run concurrent and often overlap. Still, I am optimistic and felt less alone and more empowered by a diagnosis. It has clarified what I want to do, who I want to be around, who I want to be. They say that crisis does that.
Some of you I have confided in, and others I have not. I was going to keep it off FB- but I know that means I’m hiding as this is my largest platform as an artist and performer and instructor. I can be a leader in demystifying the stigma of mental health and this is my goal for 2018.
I have been listening incessantly for the last ten years about blogging and the world of teaching online in my ears, to podcast, books, more more more, with no clear idea why. Now I know why. Or MAYBE I know why. Who knows? Who cares? I want to be brave.
My mind often will not rest or let me body rest and as I get sick more often I need a break or change from my numerous careers, I hope that my mind will let me do that. Because my body needs a break.
It's early days and this is a long game project for me, and I am used to short day projects. So I must be patient.
I hope this year will be a change my career into being an online artist and blogger/podcaster and take people through my journey and not be concerned about what others think of me. I've been told people think I have it together and sometimes I think I do. I’m lucky to have a great family and husband. But I am the same as you. I think of what everyone thinks of me. We all do. Let's make 2018 an honest year. At least the people who are looking at this. I'm tired of pretending.
So, I made a video. Because this has been a tough year on me, and as I've gathered from many posts from you, a tough year on many of you. So I've used video and pictures of those people that have inspired me to be brave, and some of you don't even know. And how many of us are comfortable in our homes in California and their is devastation happening that we need to open our minds to and not just realize it when it affects only us. And be inspired by people that are making change, being decisive, taking action.
This was just a version of the start of taking a stab at how my mind feels and I'm done being nervous about telling my story. Yes I get nervous too.
I think the more I tell mine the more others will tell theirs. I don't even think I know my story. I'm excited to find out and to figure out what my mind has been doing over the past year, the past ten years and even the past 25 without me even knowing it. I'm not sure I can upload my video, Fb might kick it off but I had fun doing it and some of you make cameos in it and you have HAVE to wait for the Rylie cameo at the end it's so sweet, but I'll try, but here is the link to my youtube channel and also you can see more of my story on my new updated new blog
Have a safe happy new year all! I am literally at home eating sushi in my new Xmas onesie that I got this year from my son Ryder and feeling optimistic. Thanks for being a part of my life...since I can't see you all in real life, I'm glad you're in it virtually or not. Despite wondering whether or not FB is good for us or not, it has brought me closer to you all those I would never see otherwise....I hope you'll check out the video. I'll try and post it on Studio Molly as well to see if it'll let me. Be safe all. See you on the other side, I will be asleep!
Am I glad I did it?
Yes. It got me over a hump. I can now speak freely and set out to do what I've been wondering about for a while. How to me my natural normal self. Perhaps you've thought I've always been. I haven't. I'm just a good actor.
Thanks for listening. xo, Molly
Join me in the conversation
What's your 2018 goal or truth that you'd like to get off your chest? Tell me about it here.