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Trying not to worry

Trying not to worry

Most of all our drama is wrapped up in worry.

Worry about the future, worry about losing our house (we rent ours so our landlord could literally say, hey guys I'm selling this place), worry about if our kids have may have made an fake Instagram account that someone caught....oh just me?

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My go to worry is to panic

and immediately try to fix it

By 1. Panicking 2. Getting experts to validate 3. Research 4. mMore worry 5. Calm the sh*t down and watch some television that's more no brainer. Right now those include Real Housewives and Keeping up with the Kardashians and I'm obsessed with The Profit, but then start to worry am I building a business that Marcus Lemonis would approve of? I know I'm dorky. He is my business guru.  But let's all remember that some people in the world watch Naked and Afraid, or Naked and First Date, and Naked and running from a bear or whatever it's called-so who don't you be judging me. 

For the past three days my I've napped at about 2 pm.

A hard nap, zonked out like a truck hit me. Then I went and looked at my labs and found out my thyroid has skyrocketed. Hashimoto's runs in my family and this is is hypothyroidism. I've noticed a slight tremor in my hand about 10 am, get anxious, run around cleaning or panicking I'm going to be late getting somewhere and then have rapid heart beat, calm down and then boom...after lunch I'm ready for a nap. But after speaking to my doctors it's because of a medicine I have been taking called Depakote and turns out my platelets have dropped. I worried less now as they said they are weaning me off that medication and going to let my platelets come back up and then we will see about something else.

I put on a podcast to put my mind at ease and sleep hard. 

And then I wake with worry. Because at first I thought it was the CVID acting as a problem people and there is a significant amount of people who have Common Variable Immune Deficiency that go on to get an autoimmune disease which is when your immune system, which defends your body against disease decides your healthy cells are foreign. As a result your immune system attacks healthy cells. An autoimmune disease can affect one or many different types of body tissue, depending on the type.  (Thanks google)

But that wasn't it at all.

Or so my doctors think. It was the Bipolar meds. Less you think, should on bipolar meds, aren't there side effects? Of course there are.  They worry me. To be honest I'm not sure. I'm not convinced of what to do yet.  I can't function without them yet so I'm on a path to have one fit on one side of the spectrum and one side of the other. I'm still learning and early. But I have two children who need a mother who can be them for them. I need to be able to sleep and eat, two of my biggest challenges.

And yes I  am worried about the medication.

I've already been taken off two meds because of adverse affects. 

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Rylie goes at lighting speed

Just like me. Let's see what she creates? I'm excited to watch what she does.

So after I got myself together, and after Rylie, my littlest five year old was losing her shi*t in the next room because she accidentally broke an ornament and was afraid I would be upset. (I thought those were shatter proof?????) Kurt and I made our sweet potato and black bean chili and my awesome guacamole. It's really the only thing I'm good at cooking wise so far. Ii'll have to start getting better because I committed whole foods diet is in my future. 

And the worry subsided and we watched non fluff television, an inspiration series made by RedBull Documentaries Called Visions of Greatness

Worry is a naturally part of this process and something that learning meditation, and putting systems in place will help me worry less. A friend of mine, considered a mentor now is going to help me learn to change my inner mantra of I'm going to die to I'm going to live. That should be interesting and fun and something Molly last year would never have done.

Thanks for listening,

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Do you worry too? What about? You can tell me here.

Why I told people on FB I have a mental illness

Why I told people on FB I have a mental illness

A few steps forward a couple steps back

A few steps forward a couple steps back