Allowing the soul to hover above my mind: relax not react
In the face of fear I lean towards reaction.
To be more clear, I take action. Another word for this is freaking out. My brain is trying to control the situation.
This can be found in all sorts of way in my life and maybe yours if you're anything like me. A lash out on FaceBook, insisting that we work out an argument with our partner right now, or maybe pushing a friendship into being something it's not while realizing your gut is telling you something else.
This is a recurring lesson in my life.
Some are smallish.
This past weekend I purchased three audible books that I ended up not liking. This may seem silly and inconsequential. However, it cost me about $80 which is consequential. Upon examining why I did this I now realize that I was feeling low, wanted inspiration, didn't find it, so went searching for another source of inspiration rather than sitting with my own self.
Part distraction, part curiosity, mixed with my penchant for buying things I bought those books in order to fill a hole.
You may eat, drink, smoke weed, buy a purse, or sit on your couch watching a weekend marathon of Flip or Flop.
I rarely sit and let the feeling wash over me.
Other things I do have medium consequences.
I have sent letters, texts, or emails I regret because I didn't have the patience to let others catch up to me. I have also quit jobs, dropped projects, and as you may know by now opened businesses.
There are some actions that are huge and negatively affect loved ones.
Moving to New York City for eight weeks, realizing I had made a giant mistake and moving right back to Northern California.
Yeah. I did that.
That was a biggie. My husband literally quit his MBA program and followed me. I am lucky to still be married.
This is when I realized what real love was and trust me I have tested it all along the way in our 18 years of marriage. I married the opposite of me. I believe we were brought together to teach each other our best qualities.
Now as I mature and start down my path of personal growth I am beginning to trust that there is value in relaxing away from the fear rather than towards it.
I've always known that, I just wasn't disciplined enough to live it.
The following is going to sound hooey-dooey.
That's not a word but I think ya get me. If you're friends with me you know that I have never been a religious or soulful person. I have pushed away any level of elevated higher meaning always saying I am too practical for that sort of meaning in life.
I find a good amount of religious people hypocritical and that they're waiting for some higher being to make decisions for them rather than understanding they hold the power within themselves. Or worse than that, they're telling me and others how to find enlightenment which is not their job. Worry 'bout yo-self.
See? I'm already getting fired up.
As I've slowed down to take this break in life something odd is starting to happen. I can feel a separation between my mind and soul.
I explain it like this. My soul is able to hover over my mind and watch all that is going on in there. It's similar to the feeling of dreaming and knowing that you're dreaming.
I told you it was hooey-dooey.
I can't even believe this is me talking. I find myself ridiculous, trust me. I'll keep going though.
Here's the idea I find most helpful. I think if I learn to separate the two: mind and soul, I will have the ability for my soul to tell my mind to relax.
This will take a lot of practice. I don't think it'll be quick for me to latch on to. It comes in little moments. Today I felt my soul talk to my mind on my morning walk. I tend to look down when I walk as I intensely listen to a podcast or a book. I guess it's my minds way of staying focused on learning. But today my soul lifted above me and told my mind to look up.
Now don't get excited, there was nothing there in front of me- just blue sky, cars and a breeze. However, I felt my mind release just a little bit of control in that moment.
Hooey-dooey yes. But also pretty cool.
Check ya later alligator.