7 tools I use to combat the issues that scare me
My last post was super depressing. 7 things that scare the shi*t out of me. Sorry...but never fear I'm a glass is half full type of gal, and here are my 7 tools to conquer fears of moving forward with new goals.
1. Fear: I think of all the people waiting for me to fail.
Hellooooooooo? This is so irrational. Who are these people? And do I really think they're sitting there waiting? God, how annoying of me. Most people don't even know what the hell I do. Flash-mobs, funny videos, "you do musicals?" How adorable. I've had multiple people ask me how play practice was going. That's just a few people. Most everyone else are super supportive.
Instead of thinking about these imaginary people, I think of all the people I may help, and focus my work and content on them. Sounds like an easy tool and it is. And if someone happens to be waiting in the wings for me to fail, well I'll give them the number of my therapist. She's expensive though.
2. I'm afraid I'm not perceived as an authority figure on the subject.
Being perceived as an authority figure takes time. I combat this self-inflicted stress by simply posting daily, weekly on a new subject or idea until I feel the authority myself. The truth is everyone has imposter syndrome. I get through it by setting mini-goals. Each day I am constantly learning on the job. I'm good at that despite graduating high-school with a 2.9. Don't even ask about my SAT score. I basically filled in the bubbles in a pattern. Good thing I can sing.
The great news is it does not take long to gain authority. This is because only about 10% of people actually take action on trying new things. Most people think about it. If you can get through the initial uncomfortableness of imposter syndrome you'll often surprise yourself and realize, hey I know more about this idea than I thought. And you'll be able to launch that authority into something great.
Everyone has to start somewhere. Why not you? Someone will always be smarter, have degree after degree of studying certain subjects, but never really resonate with people because they lack people skills. Well I got me plenty of that and I'm willing to bet you have something that sets you apart and makes you special. The trick is seeing your expertise through your own lens. I may not have a degree in certain disciplines, but I do have experience and a lot of it. By concentrating on that expertise you know in your heart, in your bones that you understand the nuance of your discipline better than most and you can move past this fear. Authority achieved. If you believe in myself, others will too.
3. I think that the people on Facebook are the only people I'll ever reach.
Facebook has really done us a disservice because it feels like high school all over again. There's those with the perfect house, those with the perfect children and worst of all those so called lurkers that don't say a thing and then turn around and say "I hardly use Facebook". Yeah right. I ain't buying it. Okay, I'm getting a little bitchy, sorry.
It's just one giant flashback for me. I played in the marching band and my uniform was brown. Enough said. Instead of focusing my efforts on FB right now, I'm leaning into Instagram and then will move to YouTube. (Oh, god that's daunting, I only have 14 subscribers. Live video here I come!)
I'll move it to the FB platform when I feel confident in my efforts. It's just a little trick as I gain authority. No shame in that. Do what you have to do to feel confident.
4. I'm worried that I'm too old.
This is a fear that I have had many 25 and 30 year olds say to me and I say "What?! I'm forty-one. I'm totally hip aren't I?" Crickets. I think we all think this and it's just part of the human psyche. It's a trick in our mind. My mom got her pilates certification at age 60, how awesome is that?
We must constantly evolve, reinvent, keep our minds sharp, always learn and understand that this is a fallacy. Plenty of people break the mold of expectations. Last week in my U-jam class there was an 80 year old man. I was struck by how he could do single single double knee on count (if you're a dancer you get it amIright?) and I thought, "That guy was IS a dancer." Also, he didn't have a care in the world as to who was watching him. Inspiring. It made me feel so much better to think I will always have the ability to learn new things and teach others how to do the same. I plan to be 80 and taking dance class.
5. I'm worried about the comments I'll receive from the haters.
I learned a big lesson from my girlfriend today when she texted me about vocalizing this fear so much in public. I'm putting negative energy out into the universe by saying this in public places like Instagram or Facebook. No one is really thinking about it and neither should I. Done with that now. You should be too.
6. I'm worried I'll run out of money.
Okay, this is a real fear because it's expensive in the Bay Area but one of my goals in life is to learn how to budget better. Plenty of people live on a budget. I need to make a sacrifice in order to attain the level of success I want. Here's a good opportunity to do just that. Also, I need to just leave my debit card at home.
7. And last but not least, why me? Is my ego be so big that I think I should have something to say that others will benefit from?
Well yes, it is. I think it's healthy and I use it to my advantage. My intuition is leading me to take risks and need to follow it. I consider myself a leader and teacher and that's just fine. As you'll start to notice I'm starting to move from talking about myself so much and into teaching others what I know. I'm the expert in this here arena and I'm going to own that. I intend to take that on with clarity and no apologies. And frankly, I don't want to be morbid but I don't know how long my life will be. I may not be one of those people who live to 99. I want to share it now. I'm not being dramatic, I'm just being honest. It's a real fear of mine that'll I'll waste my energy worried about keeping my ego in check. Instead, I'll keep my intention honest and let that lead the way.
Let's all make an agreement to live authentically and share what we know. The world will be better off for it. Day by day the fear will dissipate and knowledge will peak through.