It's okay! You can change your mind. But evolution is different.
I change my mind on a daily, sometimes hourly basis.
Professional and skilled at justifying my change in focus, values, and actions unless I really dive deep under the layers, I can convince myself , family and friends that my swift decision making is sound.
Sometimes it is not.
I have thrown out stuff I wanted, quit jobs I still needed, ended friendships I still valued, and bought things I just knew I had to have, all in the name of changing my mind. I like to take swift action! It makes me feel good! I’m cleansing dammit, Marie Kondo out those cobwebs, get outta my way!
Not so fast.
To evolve is different.
Slooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwer….and takes a shit ton of work.
I’ve been working so hard on evolving that I literally had to quit almost all of my jobs. I still have my writing which pays me every once in a while, I teach dance twice a month and, oh yeah, that motherhood thing. Yes, it’s rough on our wallets but better for our souls. (Our=me and my husband- we’re in this stew together).
Evolution is the change in characteristics of a species over several generations and relies on the process of natural selection.
I use the metaphor of “generations” as I slice apart different stages of my life. These aren’t yours. These are how I define the generations of my life, based on my experiences. Yours would certainly be different.
Middle age parenthood. (still in that one)
With each generation I’ve morphed a bit. I try different things. I’ve made some BIG mistakes. Some that I don’t talk about and some that I do. My biggest asset is that I believe in my own evolution. I’m quick to make mistakes, and I’m quick to admit to them.
I’m not great at slooo-oh-oh-oh-oh-ing down to catch the evolution.
It’s sort of like when you hear people say “you should totally meditate, there are really some long term gains” and you’re like “I need to feel the gains NOW!” and then watch The View instead.
I mean I don’t have time to slow down. I’m watching The View!
But somehow over the past half a year I’ve convinced my thinking mind that my feeling mind has had enough. I’d rather commit to a slower pace of life than oh, I don’t know, die.
Bring on the evolution. If it’s good enough for Charles Darwin, it’s good enough for me.